We can go to them directly and work through it (or at least try). We believe that the only path to forgiveness is asking it of the person we love, the person we believe we hurt, and making amends for what we did wrong. That might not be so tricky if the person were still alive. You’re left with a mountain of guilt and no one to apologize to, no one from whom you can ask forgiveness or make amends.
Navigating Step Nine: Living Amends
At this time, that may include simply having a conversation where you acknowledge any financial burden caused by your actions and the fact that you cannot currently lift that burden even though you wish to do so. Making direct amends means actively confronting your behavior with the person who you harmed. Many people begin making amends as soon as they join AA. In some cases, simply opening up a conversation with a friend or family member about your history of alcohol use can begin the process of making amends.
California
That is just one small example of what are living amends. Part of my living amends is also being the friend my friends deserve and the employee my employers hired in good faith. Living amends touches deep parts of our lives and souls if we allow them. The amends I made to her was admitting my wrongs and shortcomings due to my addiction.
Recovery Stories
We should go easy on the words and strong on the actions. After all, years of drug or alcohol abuse will not be undone with an apology living amends or a few simple words. We need to prove to our children that we are seriously addressing our addiction, not just offering cheap words. In many cases, making direct amends to them is simply not possible. My Mom, on the other hand, loves to complain about Ricky’s behavior. Sometimes I can listen supportively for a short period of time.
- While the process may seem daunting at first, you can make amends in a way that’s sincere and respectful.
- However, these promises are usually the result of deep feelings of shame, guilt, and regret and may not be genuine for some.
- In rare cases, making amends in recovery may inadvertently lead to further harm or negative consequences for the individual or the person receiving the amends.
- One of her children is killed crossing the street on their own even after telling their mother that they were afraid to cross the busy street alone.
- In most cases, the offender owes apologies to the people closest to them, like their friends, parents, and children.
- Your AA sponsor, therapist, or another trusted person can help you determine how best to address making amends.
Somehow in all this guilt writing, we have never talked about making amends with someone who died. Prove to those who love you that you are a person of your word, and they can rely on you when things get tough. How do you prove your worth to others after so many failed chances?
Work on your relationships
Celebrate Recovery Step 9 showed you how to forgive, make amends, and accept the freely given gift of grace from God. If you are not currently a Christian but want to learn more, our website can help! Many people in recovery want a relationship with God or want to learn more about Him. It took me a while to “get it,” because it’s not a term I use daily unless speaking to my sister Grace. Profess your faith in Christ as our one and only Savior, and receive eternal life. Having faith will give you the courage, strength, and motivation to make amends and offer forgiveness.
Other individuals who have completed Step 9, such as your sponsor, may be able to help you choose a meaningful way to make indirect amends. If you have devoted the necessary time and energy to the first 8 steps, you should have a solid foundation from which to approach making amends in Step 9. Your relationship with a higher power—no matter how you define it—can help you to remain open and willing, even as you acknowledge hard truths about pain you have caused to others. A full continuum of care for mental health, guiding clients through innovative therapies, a supportive family and couples program, and a distinctive Career Launch program.
It’s not one we use too frequently in our everyday language, but it still holds significant meaning. To make amends means to apologize for something you have done or for wronging someone in some way. It means mending, or (quite literally) fixing, the relationship. We are seeking accountability for our own actions and holding ourselves to the standards of our own values and our 12 Step program.
- What about the relationships we ruined, the emotional wreckage we created?
- Manhattan Island is linked to New York City’s outer boroughs and to New Jersey by an extensive network of bridges and tunnels.
- We strengthen and reinforce healthy recovery whenever we do our part to repair relationships or reach out to others with support and understanding.
Life
Again, in recovery, your words may not mean as much to some people as you wish they would. Understandably, some people may just need more time to learn how to trust you again. In these instances, the best thing you can do is to focus on your behavior and remain faithful to your commitment to live an honest, sober life.
